Archive for July 3rd, 2013

What do women want?

Posted on July 3, 2013. Filed under: Uncategorized |

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Let me start this off with a disclaimer that the views below are simply my opinion and it comes from years of hearing women lament about their intimate/committed relationships mainly with men. I find that my lesbian friends complain a lot less but for reasons that will be shared in a different blog.

I concede as well that not every woman will want the same thing(s) but I don’t think I’ll be too far off with the ideas below. Don’t sue me if you disagree, it’s just a blog, lol.

What women want in relationships is really quite simple… or is it?

Many a man since the beginning of time has questioned “what exactly do women want?” No doubt, they are complex creatures and they operate on a different wavelength than us men.

Women aren’t exactly the great mystery that we often make them to be.

I polled literally hundreds of women – friends, co-workers, family and even strangers. Interestingly, you won’t find diamond rings or other fancy things anywhere on this list. While many women really do want luxury goods from men, when you break it down they are just physical representations of some of the points on this list.

This list is in no particular order…

Communication
Among other things, women are vocal creatures. They know we love them, but this pollster found out they like to hear it too. Believe it or not women too can be insecure. Let them know when you think they’re hot. Compliment them, it helps them feel good.

Plus, when they feel sexy they’re more likely to act sexy. Words of appreciation go a far way with women. It doesn’t have to be over the top; just let them know that you see the effort they have put in, and that you’re grateful.

Respect
Women want us to show through our actions that we respect their opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies and minds. Truth is that we don’t have to agree with all that they say or do, but try to honour their opinions as valuable contributions. Do onto others as you’d have them do onto you – treat women the way you as a man want to be treated. Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.

Sex
Yes, women love sex. Apparently there are a number of bases to cover in the bedroom, not just one #NewsFlash. We ought to ‘touch’ each base instead of being so focused on the ‘meat of the matter’. Take my word, they’ll thank you for it! Likewise, remember small physical touches like massages. One can never, ever, give them too many shoulder rubs, foot rubs, scalp massages etc.

Romance
So what if you’re both staying in tonight rather than going out; that doesn’t mean it can’t be a romantic night. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. According to a married friend of mine, “treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, making out in the car, kissing like when we first started dating—all of the things that made us fall in love with you don’t have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids to attend to.”

Women appreciate when you get them flowers for no reason or with no ulterior motive attached lol. The flowers don’t need to be expensive; it could be the result of you relieving someone’s garden of a couple blooms.

Time
Rumour has it that women understand relationships can’t be all wine and roses. My interactions revealed that women appreciate when we simply make the time to be with them. Treating them like our top priority says “love” more than all the fancy gifts ever could. This includes helping around the house.

The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. Another wife recommended, “if you happen to get home before we do, why not vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry?  If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you’ll be getting ‘something extra special’ later on despite how tired I am.”

Dinner
Roll out that “kiss the cook” apron. My experience has taught me that women love when we cook for them, especially if it tastes great.  In addition to tasting great, if you can make a low-calorie meal you just may be elevated closer to god status.

As men, we ought to make an effort (outside of her birthday or any other ‘special day’) to learn how to make even the simplest dish in the kitchen. They also appreciate the effort. Never underestimate the value of that old phrase “it’s the thought that counts”.

Consistency
This doesn’t mean being boring and predictable. It means that they want to know we will give them the love and support they need. “Knowing that my man is approaching the relationship with the same desires and energy as I am makes me feel secure. I want us to be on the same page, or at worst just a page apart in the same chapter,” my friend said as she laughed.

Engagement
Mental engagement, not the nuptial type lol. According to most of these women, men don’t have to like everything they do. In fact, if her man likes EVERYTHING she does then that’s a cause for concern. Showing interest in their passions, be it career-related, a sport or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when women talk to you.

Apparently they’re not speaking just so they can hear their own voices. They want to connect with us.. This also means paying attention to the little things. Whether it’s the name of her best friend’s husband or the fact that she hates Nicolas Cage movies, it’s the little things we remember about them that’s so endearing.

Humor
These two tend to go hand in hand. Not meaning that we gotta be their personal Ity and Fancy Cat or Eddie Murphy. A friend claims that if we’re just able to laugh at ourselves is enough. Men who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.

 

Challenge
Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates them to do, be or achieve what they desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals—in other words, don’t support lazy or bad habits—are ultimately happier than those who don’t hold each other accountable.

Honesty
Women demand and deserve honesty, but in all this a man should be tactful in expressing himself. They actually want us to ‘keep it real’. My advice is to avoid doing things you have to lie about. Go ahead and express yourself, let them know who you are but don’t be a beast in that expression.

“I want him to tell me everything. Tell me why you find that girl attractive; tell me why you find me attractive. If you think I look fat then say so, but commit to help me getting toned or slimmer. While you’re at it, let us work together on getting in good shape and keeping fit,” said my friend who works out with her husband and personal trainer twice a week.

Masculinity and Chivalry
Be a man dammit, don’t be a woman except with a pair of balls and a cock. Chase insects and other creepy crawlies, learn to fix things. Be knowledgeable and aware. Dress like a man, so that skinny jeans shit and the tight body blouse crap has to go. With that said though, women like when we keep our bodies clean and good looking. Get a little “man-scaping” done. If they don’t have to navigate through a jungle just to give the ‘jewels’ a special ‘treatment’ then they’d be most appreciative.

Chivalry speaks for itself, show you care by opening her doors, pulling her chairs, sharing your jacket when she’s cold you know, all that sweet stuff. They love that.

My list might be incomplete. Ladies, if I have missed out on anything please feel free to share those things in a comment.

I wonder how close I’ve come to outlining what women want in a relationship

 

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