The past 2 years of my life have seen numerous changes. Chief among them are the birth of my daughter and the deteriorating health of my mother. these two occurrences have left me torn. I’ve been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster, for in the midst of the joy of watching the little one grow, there’s the sorrow of watching mommy go.
These two completely opposite experiences have put so many things into perspective for me. Never before have I thought of death and my own mortality in such a serious way. There are times while playing with my daughter that I recall my days as a child playing mom. Now, I can’t play with mom anymore; her body just can’t handle it. One day I’ll get to that point as an adult.
As my daughter ages, so will I and I must confess, it’s a scary thought. Deep down, while I’m not worried about what will happen when I die, the truth is that I don’t want to die. There’s a quote which states “everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die”; it’s so true.
I’m overwhelmed with emotion as I type this. It’s 6:37am and the little one is running around and disturbing the peace. A mere 28 years ago that was me. In another 28 years, she’ll assume my role as a parent and I’ll be headed in a similar direction as my mom. The cycle of life, sigh.
I brought up this whole mortality conversation with a friend recently, his response was that the main thing involved with not being able to cope with mortality is fear. Fear is caused by the understanding that there is no control over this fact of life. I suppose we all must accept it as the one of life’s truths. Once the fear is gone, I guess it is not an issue.
The value of life lies in the journey, and not the destination. Make your life be of value to yourself and as many as you can reach. Don’t worry about becoming “big and important”. Some of the most influential individuals that have ever lived are persons are people we’ve never heard of. Their influence was felt by their families and those in their communities. No matter how ‘unimportant’ you feel you are to the rest of the world, be happy you had the opportunity to influence others.
That realisation has made me more comfortable with accepting that I’m only going to be here for a time and one day I have to go. I’ve recognised that change is a neccessity, and so the only plausible possibility is acceptance.