Archive for December, 2010

Material World – material girl?

Posted on December 23, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

Jamaican actress Andrea Wright aka DELCITA in the 2010 play “Ova mi dead body” said, “Love without money is like lemonade without sugar, it nah go sweet”.

We are living in a material world, where diamonds are still a girl’s best friend. The media seem to reinforce the “value” that it takes cash to care and if a man is broke he can’t get a girl. A woman can be impressed by a poor man and even end up in relationships with them, I’m one such example.

There are women who would never date a poor man, much less talk to him. The gold diggers everywhere, but if she didn’t want me because my pocket couldn’t fund her lifestyle, I don’t want her anyway.

I remember being raised to believe/think the man is supposed to take care of the woman (and family). The man generally goes to work and “brings home the bread”. Along with the idea of chivalry comes the assumption that man provides for woman. Even though women are independent today, the idea of man taking care of his wife/girlfriend financially is ever present.
Women are self-sufficient today no longer need to depend on men to “bring home the bread”. Women are just as powerful and financially capable as men, but that doesn’t mean that they’re willing to be their boyfriends’ providers while the men stay home.

I’ve come to realize women who are willing to “take a chance” with a poor man always consider the reason behind the man’s lack of funds. If he’s poor because of the circumstances he’s born into but he’s ambitious, women will take a chance. If he’s poor because he’s pursuing further studies or lost out on a failed business she’ll consider as well, but that element of ambition must always be present.

The ability to shower a woman with gifts is not necessarily what makes a wealthy man attractive, but rather, it’s the power that is associated with a man’s wealth. But since women and society have moved beyond the point of equating wealth with the qualities of “a good boyfriend,” there are other ways to win a woman over and prove your power.

Showing a woman how caring you are does not have to cost a fortune. Giving her the gift of time, attention, spontaneity, and caring has always worked for me. After all, the best things in life are free.
Be attentive to her needs. If she tells you she’s a vegetarian, learn to cook vegetarian or go to restaurants which have good vegetarian menus. Be spontaneous by planning a special day together, even if it’s just a walk in a park with some ice-cream.

Romance and spontaneity have more to do with atmosphere and less with the amount of the bill. You don’t need money to buy class and style. I’ve found ways to look ‘impressive’ without wearing the world’s popular/expensive brands.

I work hard to look presentable.  Being well groomed and staying in shape are 2 of the strongest tools a poor man can use to his advantage. You can look like a million bucks without spending the million.

In meeting women, I’ve found charming them with humor, wit and gentlemanly etiquette goes a far way. My bank account has always been slim but most ladies rarely pay it attention because there are other qualities which they appreciate.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been rejected before because of my state of being “too financially challenged” to meet her needs. Fortunately, that occurrence has been rare.

My advice to “poor men” or “financially challenged” men is … show women that you have a lot to offer — generosity, thoughtfulness, chivalry, spontaneity, being outgoing, romantic and fun to be with. As long as you’re still ambitious and driven, have confidence in spite of your circumstance. Focus on other parts of what you have to offer, she’ll see that digging you will leave her with something more precious than gold; that something is YOU.

 

 

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That poor cheatin’ bastard

Posted on December 19, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

It’s a rare occurrence when a Jamaican man will cheat and admit to his friends that he  feels guilty. Recently, a good friend of mine was anxious to go have a drink with us boys. He volunteered to pick us all up or pay taxi fare and the drinks would have been his treat.

We all knew something was not right and soon it became apparent for as soon as we arrived at our little watering hole he immediately blurted out, and i quote, “mi cheat pon mi girl. mi luv har still, mi all want fi married to har, mi never mean fi do it. jeezas, she ago lef mi if mi tell her, but mi need fi tell har. unnu advise mi nuh”.

He was nervous, embarrassed, frustrated and cursing himself. He was next to tears. His face was like the face of guilt. I told him that there was nothing wrong with what he did and that many men have done the same thing. It’s what usually happens when a man dissatisfied with the relationship or an element of the relationship. It also happens when your will to to be failthful is trumped by your lust for other women & libido. Maybe cheating on his girlfriend would help him realize that they weren’t meant to be together. Don’t crucify me, I’ve got the purest intentions when I say this.

Based on other things he said, it was obvious he loved her and he genuinely thought it was a mistake. None of us tried to convince him otherwise. We were all supportive of him and we were glad he felt the way he did. Well, we remained supportive until he made the suicidal comment “mi haffi tell har, an beg forgiveness”.

Now, I don’t know how many women honestly want to hear their boyfriend/man/husband voluntarily confess to cheating. Well, I suppose they want to know for health reasons. For  some women too, I guess they want to  know where their man’s head is at (no pun intended). They wanna know why the man cheated so they can protect against  a repeat, whether in the same relationship or in their next relationship.

Anyhow, we now had to intervene and convince him otherwise. After-all, with this approach he was likely to lose his girlfriend. We could either let him make a foolish mistake and lose his girlfriend  or  help him make the rational decision — deny/lie.
We are of the opinion  that if he wanted to tell her the truth, he might as well break up instead.  Forgiveness was unlikely and proceeding smoothly was an absolute impossibility. If he was really an honest  man, why would he cheat in the first place? The best thing would be for him to keep his mouth shut and pretend nothing ever happened.


We tried to justify why he shouldn’t confess to having an affair.

It’s likely she’ll dump you. Trust is like an egg, once you break it, it will never be the same. It’s gonna take an extraordinary bit of work to fix it and even after fixing it will never been the same. Who wants a broken egg anyway?

She’s going to be paranoid. The degree of paranoia varies among women, but best believe she’s going to second guess your every move. In the extreme case she may want you to limit the “unsupervised” trips you make. Yes, she’ll whip out ‘ye old leash’.

She’ll forgive but won’t forget. Until she forgets, it’s likely that she’ll think you’re going to cheat if you are tempted again.It’s likely to come up in quarrels or just regular conversation. The reminder will be constant and you can’t afford it;  I’m sure even now Kobe Bryant’s wife still yanks his chain about their episode.

Don’t ask, don’t tell.  This works in 2 ways: she knew of it and decided not to act on it, or she genuinely has no clue it happened. Either way shut the hell up, pretend nothing happened and never let it happen again.

So what happened to our friend? That poor cheatin’ bastard followed his instincts and told her the truth. Well, he misses her alot and now lives on his own in a new apartment.

General Advice

My advice to unfaithful men is to get out of their relationships. If you cheated, it’s not simply because you are a jerk. It is likely that you’re not happy with your girlfriend to begin with.

If you can’t man up and commit to your girl completely, then there is no point in wasting time on a hopeless relationship. Save yourself and her the trouble and get out.

When you leave her, don’t tell her you cheated, though. Remember, she has friends. You  don’t want any “negative publicity”; the world is small and it may limit your chances of getting with women she may know.

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break up to make up (sex)

Posted on December 15, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

‘Tis the season to be jolly and some women know ’tis the season for men to break off relationships that may prove too costly to maintain.

Although breaking up is hard to do, make-up sex sure can make it all worthwhile.Experts all over the world agree that having uninhibited sex after a quarrel is a common way for couples to resolve conflict.

I believe that make-up sex can be healthy and that residual anger can add a little spice to what’s already a great experience in and of itself. Some people argue that it’s just dysfunctional behavior. I believe one of the best sexual experiences is that angry, raw, animalistic sex after a quarrel/disagreement.

There is a very thin line between anger and sexual excitement. Pent up aggression, just like sexual frustration, must be released every so often. And after lashing out with angry words, why not jump each other?

Women tend to be a little hesitant to be touched after an argument. Some may even want to hit the poor guy, but that can be a turn on sometimes. I’ve found that there’s nothing quite like a horny, angry woman.

*ladies, if your man displays bounty killer-like tendencies, then don’t hit him*

Depending on the argument (whether it’s my fault or hers), I could take control of the sexual situation. If she’s to blame, I do her like “I’m da muthaf–kin BOSS”; you know, domineering sex. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t throw her around like a rag doll. I’m aggressive but not abusive, I do the hair pulling, ass smacking and lotsa firm gripping while I’m penetrating.

Plenty of women love aggressive sex and if your woman is one of them, then show her that you’re boss in bed and give it to her until she’s sorry… so to speak.

“Please Don’t Go” Sex

If as man you’re at fault for the quarrel or potential break up, then you’ve gotta kiss some ass, FIGURATIVELY (unless literally kissing ass is your thing)

If sex is going to happen after one of these episodes, it’s going to be the very emotional and caring kind. It has to be earth-shattering. The man has to make her feel like a trillion dollars because you’re in a vulnerable position. Massage her, kiss her whole body softly and if you’re into oral sex, make sure her eyes rollover and she speaks in languages never before heard and make sure when she’s cumming she convulses like a demon is being exorcised from her.

When you give her that sweet “baby please don’t leave me, I’m so sorry and I’ll do anything to make you happy” sex, she just might forget what you were fighting about.

Sex Is Not the solution

Using sex as the solution to fighting is like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound — it won’t really allow the relationship to progress or heal.

If the desire is mutual, make-up sex can have a positive effect outside the bedroom. By releasing tension and passion in a sweaty, physical bout in the “romping shop” a couple can probably discuss real issues with a clear head.

After sex, couples should be able to talk to each other with clarity and a calm attitude. Who wants to talk after sex though? Usually she does, but since this is make-up sex I’ve found that it makes perfect sense to stay awake and resolve the issue in the “afterglow”.

For many couples, sex after an intense argument or temporary separation reassures them that the relationship can still work. There’s a certain feeling that the relationship is fragile after a fight and the intimacy of very passionate sex goes a far way in rebuilding confidence in the relationship.

So why is the sex so good? When two people quarrel, they get excited. That excitement can easily translate into a state of arousal, and consequently, mind-blowing sex.

Always keep in mind that sex is not the solution, but a means to an end — not the end itself. And don’t start fighting just for the make-up sex.

So go tell your woman that you have a bone to pick with her, and then put it inside her!

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Should You Accept Mom & Dad’s Facebook Friend Request?

Posted on December 10, 2010. Filed under: Interesting News Articles |

No! Sorry, that was my instantaneous response. The above question presents quite the quandary, but, luckily, Mike Newman and Cool Materialhave provided us all with this nifty flowchart.

Last we heard, around 48% of parents friend their kids on Facebook. That makes sense — parents love stalking, er, keeping tabs on their pride and joy. But does that mean you have to accept said request — especially if you’re prone to posting embarrassing pics (don’t say we didn’t warn you)?

Try out the chart below to see whether you should just avoid, avoid, avoid, or welcome Mom and Dad into your Facebook realm with open arms (or at least a few profile privacy tweaks).

[via Cool MaterialMike Newman]

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iPad 2 will have two cameras

Posted on December 10, 2010. Filed under: Interesting News Articles |

The next iteration of Apple’s iPad might have a front and a rear-facing camera, Reuters reports, citing multiple sources.

The info originates from four component suppliers for the iPad that are preparing for a new round of production in the first quarter of 2011. Two of them merely say they’ll be producing the same components as in the original iPad. One claims that a new version of iPad is coming, with front and rear-facing cameras, while another source says the iPad 2 will be slimmer and lighter, with a better resolution display,

All these predictions are essentially no-brainers, especially the camera, which is already present in most iPad competitors; not including the camera in iPad 2 would be a big surprise from Apple.

However, with the tablet race heating up – the market is expected to quadruple by 2012 – Apple might want to surprise us with an unexpected feature or two for the next iPad if it wants to keep its lead ahead of the competition.

[via Reuters]

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Women and lying

Posted on December 8, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

On average a man will tell 126,672 lies in their entire life, which amounts to six lies a day, and women are not much better when it comes to tellnig the truth.

A poll carried out by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment found that women are less dishonest, telling three lies per day, or 68,796 in a lifetime.

The most common lie among both sexes was: “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.”

Hip Hop artiste Yo Gotti has a track called “Women lie, Men lie” which tells 3 important truths: 1. Women lie… 2. Men lie… and 3. Numbers don’t lie.

Regardless of the fact that nobody enjoys being lied to, it seems that lying within all types of relationships is common.  Most of us are guilty of a little lie now and again. I simply recommend that people don’t do things they have to lie about (easier said than done). Any type of relationship that’s filled with regular lies easily becomes hurtful and destructive.

Chris Rock told some truth when he said “men lie the most, but women tell the biggest lies.” He said men tell lies like “yeah of course I was out with the boys”. Women tell lies like “of course the baby is yours honey”.

Women often tell horror stories about how they’ve been lied to in past relationships, but I think women are as guilty of lying as men. They may have different motives, but a lie is still a lie.
I don’t think lies on a whole can be justified, but there are exceptions I’m sure. Either way lying is dangerous and damaging. I conducted an informal survey among my female friends and realised there are many different reasons why women lie.

Some women rather keep a man in the dark if there’s something about him she doesn’t like, so they lie. Many times it festers and “breaks out” during a fight/quarrel. It’s almost like they put up with some crap until their tolerance/patience wears thin.

You know what pisses me off? FAKE ORGAMS!!! You’re doing yourself, the man and the next woman he sleeps with a big disservice. If he thinks he’s good, when he’s actually not then the man will continue doing “his thing” and the bad sex is gonna continue with some other unfortunate woman.

When women have made mistakes in life or done things(people) they’re not proud of, they don’t want to be judged. So she’ll lie to hide her past. That’s what women sometimes consider a “necessary lie”. I say, find a way to be honest with the man ‘cause if he discovers later on from “another source” then there will be lotsa questions to answer and then some.

On that same matter of “necessary lies”, some women believe it’s less likely for her to feel hurt if she breaks it off with a man who doesn’t know the skeletons in her closet. The less he knows about her past, the easier it is to break up and move on. Odd logic for me, but in the mind of women it seems to make sense. I guess she’s protecting herself from vulnerability; some sort of defense mechanism I suppose.

Women lie when they don’t trust a man. Some info is sensitive and confidential and can only be shared when there’s absolute confidence that it won’t be leaked. She may have information she considers sensitive and isn’t sure whether to tell you about it. Trust can be developed over time and when that happens, those lies should stop.

I’ve seen women fake tears and much more just because they know how to manipulate a man. As far as I’m concerned women who do this deserve whatever karma delivers to them in the end. No sympathy from me on that call.

Besides fake orgasms, what pisses me off are those lies that women use to “test” a man. What kinda childish bullshit is that?  Some women claim that “testing” a man is meant to catch the “bad guys” before they get too close. A “bad” enough man will get through to you quite often after it’s too late and a “good guy” may relaise you’re lying and get turned off.

Parting advice

Any relationship built on lies will collapse in the worst way. I say be honest and call a spade a spade. Avoid doing things that you’ll have to lie about if confronted. That’s advice to men and women.

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Taxation, JPS & the Energy Policy

Posted on December 3, 2010. Filed under: General Information |

With very few exceptions, whenever the Jamaica Public Service comes in the news, the public seems to get the fecal end of the stick.

I think it’s such an irony that the name is “Jamaica Public Service”.

I know most people would say the JPS has done Jamaica a great disservice.

I dare say the JPS doesn’t act alone. Successive administrations have contributed to this current situation,  pardon the pun. The governments have watched, as voyeurs do, while someone gets screwed.

I know, I know, the country is strapped for cash, that’s nothing new. These days though, it has become painfully obvious that taxation seems to be the quick fix for budget shortfalls. Dear Mr. Shaw, kindly note, if we tax everything but cannot increase compliance and collection, then we’ll never get out of this mess, but I digress.

Recently the government introduced a tax on JPS reconnection fees. I am yet to be convinced how this makes any real sense. If it is that so many people have to be paying reconnection fees, it’s a clear sign that persons are having difficulty paying their bills on time. Why would you want to capitalise on what is already a difficult situation? On the other hand most persons tend not to try conserving electricity so their bills are high and in many cases unbearable. I’ve been successful at keeping my monthly JPS bill under $1600, believe it or not.

Earlier this year the JPS requested an increase in its rates and the Office of Utilities Regulation granted the request (albeit, less than what JPS requested). The request was completely legal based on the contract under which the JPS operates in Jamaica. The next increase request is contractually due in 2015 (I think), so we have a little time to save money for that request.

I think it is time Jamaica and Jamaicans focus on the need for an alternative and cheaper source of energy. Jamica is the land of wood, water along with lotsa  sun and wind. Can the Ministry of Energy & Mining explain why we have not invested HEAVILY in solar or wind-energy generation?

We have sun for most of the 365 days of the year, so I can’t wrap my mind around why successive administrations have neglected to make the necessary policy changes that would encourage the use of solar or wind energy to provide MOST or even 50% of Jamaica’s energy needs.

We have to import oil and it pay for it with foreign exchange. Buying oil to produce energy is one of Jamaica’s biggest spends annually. If we use solar and wind technology we can cut the nation’s energy bill significantly. WE MUST CUT OUR DEPENDENCE ON OIL! The savings on oil could be used to pay international debt and more importantly, pay our teachers, nurses, police and other civil servants.

Why is the duty so high on the  importation of solar panels and on the equipment used in harnessing and storing solar power?  The government needs to address this matter and encourage businesses and families to switch to solar and wind technology to ease the strain on the country’s energy bill.

Create some type of incentive scheme for companies and families which invest in the technology which will reduce the country’s energy bill. On its own the government should move in a direction which would make the need for a an oil-based energy creation entity like the JPS obsolete. I certainly wouldn’t miss the JPS.

I hope the “National Energy Policy” will address our energy situation in a way which capitalises on our natural resources. Additionally, it must ensure that the cost of energy to the consumer is much lower than what currently obtains.

Until that Energy Policy is enacted, I appeal to the government – please make it easier for businesses and families that desire to use renewable energy sources like wind, solar and biofuels.

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Mortality – just deal with it

Posted on December 1, 2010. Filed under: Personal Development |

The past 2 years of my life have seen numerous changes. Chief among them are the birth of my daughter and the deteriorating health of my mother. these two occurrences have left me torn. I’ve been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster, for in the midst of the joy of watching the little one grow, there’s the sorrow of watching mommy go.

These two completely opposite experiences have put so many things into perspective for me. Never before have I thought of death and my own mortality in such a serious way. There are times while playing with my daughter that I recall my days as a child playing mom.  Now, I can’t play with mom anymore; her body just can’t handle it. One day I’ll get to that point as an adult.

As my daughter ages, so will I and I must confess, it’s a scary thought. Deep down, while I’m not worried about what will happen when I die, the truth is that I don’t want to die. There’s a quote which states “everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die”; it’s so true.

I’m overwhelmed with emotion as I type this. It’s 6:37am and the little one is running around and disturbing the peace. A mere 28 years ago that was me. In another 28 years, she’ll assume my role as a parent and I’ll be headed in a similar direction as my mom. The cycle of life, sigh.

I brought up this whole mortality conversation with a friend recently, his response was that the main thing involved with not being able to cope with mortality is fear. Fear is caused by the understanding that there is no control over this fact of life. I suppose we all must accept it as the one of life’s truths. Once the fear is gone, I guess it is not an issue.

The value of life lies in the journey, and not the destination. Make your life be of value to yourself and as many as you can reach. Don’t worry about becoming “big and important”. Some of the most influential individuals that have ever lived are persons are people we’ve never heard of. Their influence was felt by their families and those in their communities. No matter how ‘unimportant’ you feel you are to the rest of the world, be happy you had the opportunity to influence others.

That realisation has made me more comfortable with accepting that I’m only going to be here for a time and one day I have to go. I’ve recognised that change is a neccessity, and so the only plausible possibility is acceptance.

 

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