Why Women Cannot Find a Good Man

Posted on November 10, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

The many variables contributing to this phenomenon actually come down to overcoming one negative attribute of the female mind, which is lack of self-knowledge. (Pardon me, but the whole “academic/intellectual” thing just had to be done at the start, now back to regular talkin, lol)

If a woman does not know who she is and what her purpose and true nature is, she will never understand how to find (get) a good man. Might I also add that part of the reason why men will never understand women is simply based on the fact that WOMEN really don’t understand WOMEN. Their “complexity” as a species/gender has rendered them inconsistent in actually practicing what they preach.

First, let us dispel all the myths and urban legends.

There is no shortage of men. Though there are many men in the prison system, there are not as many men in the prison system than there are on the streets. There are also good men in prison (or they come out that way), but most women would rather not date an ex-con because of the societal stigma attached to those who’ve been incarcerated.

There are statistics that suggest that 1 out of 17 men are gay, they are only a small percentage of the general population. Let us also consider the fact that the marriage rate is low, not all good men are married (quite a number of the “bad” men are already married, just ask the women who currently exist in “wedded misery”); it merely appears that way because of the female preference and wish list.

Therefore, this leaves the majority of men available and “marriable” (we should get this word adopted into the English Lexicon). There are many college educated men, single men who are decent men, and many God-fearing men who want a family and would be dedicated to that family. The problem is not so much with men or the shortage myth, but what women want in their men.

Secondly, all too many times, women are expectant of something. They say they will settle for a man with a job, any job, but in reality, when the money is not rolling in plentiful enough to keep up with “girlfriend,” the woman’s true preferences show through. They then attempt to “better” their man by suggesting more schooling (or in extreme cases, “alternate” means of income generation)

Many women claim that physique is not important or looks, or size, but when time comes for public appearances, family reunions, or physical satisfaction, somehow the woman comes up short. She speaks for the man in public (and society has come to expect women to do the talking), she makes excuses to family and friends for her man’s situation, and she constantly seeks change and variety in sexuality.Not to say that all women are like this, but those who cannot seem to find a good man would better fit this profile in more ways than one.

Third, she ignores the brother on her job that just does not spark that physical appeal in her. She is not impressed with the brother’s work habits or his nerdy qualities, and she automatically looks the other way because of his lack of sex appeal and she turns to the brother who got it that way instead, yet he is the one who will treat her like a dog.

She has not understood that many men will make her a good husband if she knew what to look for instead of searching for the stereotypical qualities on her list-of-desirable men. Each woman as an individual will need to identify qualities in a man that are specific to her unique needs in order to find an absolutely compatible mate.

Too many women believe in “society’s” definition of what a man is thus she looks for that man. He is the hunk, the bad boy, the jock, the successful, and she ignores the obvious, the nerd, the simple, the bright, the thinker, the anti-social, and the quiet.

Lastly, women cannot find a good man because she does not know who she is and what makes her happy. Her mother told her to find a successful lawyer or doctor but her mother neglected to tell her that lawyers and doctors can cheat on their wives too.

Her friends told her to find a man who could satisfy her sexually but they neglected to tell her that he will satisfy everyone else’s sexual desires as well.

The woman’s magazine told her to find a man who is sensitive and who will share the house work while she works, yet neglected to tell her that that is reverse oppression and a man will not stay down long under those circumstances.

She has the excuses; she has tried this man and that, but has come to the conclusion that all men are dogs. One problem with that is, if all the men she tried were dogs in her book, then her attempt to train him was a failure; if all the men she’s tried are dogs, does it mean that there’s something wrong with the men? Or is it that there’s something wrong with her?

This leads into the drama of what women want.

The mind games, the control factor, and the unrealistic expectations of women have gone beyond that of reality and into the fanatical.

Women first read the man through and then try him in many areas to test his stability. This is a mistake because if she has to test him then she is expecting something other than a real relationship. She is also putting in jeopardy the potential of a relationship from the beginning.

The games, the games, the mind games. The woman then has to gain control. She first seeks out the man’s weakness and when she has found it, she will either exploit it for her own benefit, because that is what she is taught by her girlfriends, or she will accept it as is and help strengthen it for her advantage in the future. THERE ARE VERY FEW WOMEN WHO WILL IDENTIFY A WEAKNESS IN A MAN AND SEEK TO WORK ON IT TO MAKE THE MAN BETTER FOR THE SAKE OF A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.

She expects sensitivity, consideration, and respect, yet if she is not sensitive, considerate or respectful of others, or herself, she will never receive those things from him. She first has to know herself before expecting this character from others to her own satisfaction.

Does she really want a family or is this something she has come to anticipate from the propaganda of society and media?
Is she going to be a good mother because many men want children but cannot handle a contentious and or perplexed woman? Thus we have many single mothers.

Not to say that men have it all together, but when women complain about not being able to find a good man, they must first understand what a good man is and what to expect from him. She must also know how to give that which is good to the man if she wants to keep him and call him her own.

What say you?…

P.S.

Let me further point out that there is a very clear distinction between women and little girls, which will be the topic of another note.

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11 Responses to “Why Women Cannot Find a Good Man”

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You sound very bitter towards women. You have done some research about the availability of men and even indicate that there are ‘good’ men and men in plentiful supply. Yet you obviously haven’t done enough research on women and choose to lump us all in a negative category.
There are many WOMEN who through life experiences, know themselves, know their wants, desires and needs and don’t go by what mamma said or what their friends may say. These women realize perfection does not exist in themselves or anyone else and can recognize a good man regardless of whether his income is less than hers, of whether he is a blue-collared worker,whether he has a six-pack or not. A real woman knows that because we all have faults its about whether his can work with hers and compromising and accepting.
I think you need to examine why men can’t find a ‘good woman’. You can’t do that, can you? Because there are plenty of US around and you and many other men know it. You wouldn’t have enough fodder for your article.
I can not say women are without blame for why their ‘good men’ don’t exist – because there are some who expect the sky and do not know themselves but I beg of you to not place most blame on us women. I can surely provide other reasons based on actions of men that have lead women to say the dearth of good men is real!

Ditto, Lisa.

You sound very bitter towards women. You have done some research about the availability of men and even indicate that there are ‘good’ men and men in plentiful supply. Yet you obviously haven’t done enough research on women and choose to lump us all in a negative category.
There are many WOMEN who through life experiences, know themselves, know their wants, desires and needs and don’t go by what mamma said or what their friends may say. These women realize perfection does not exist in themselves or anyone else and can recognize a good man regardless of whether his income is less than hers, of whether he is a blue-collared worker,whether he has a six-pack or not. A real woman knows that because we all have faults its about whether his can work with hers and compromising and accepting.
I think you need to examine why men can’t find a ‘good woman’. You can’t do that, can you? Because there are plenty of US around and you and many other men know it. You wouldn’t have enough fodder for your article.
I can not say women are without blame for why their ‘good men’ don’t exist – because there are some who expect the sky and do not know themselves but I beg of you to not place most blame on us women. I can surely provide reasons based on actions of men that have lead women to say the dearth of good men is real and also serve to highlight that the scarce existence of ‘good’ sexes is a 2way street.

So many things to say!
This inconsistency u speak of, relates to men as well. This ‘women do not know wat they want because they don’t kno themselves’ speak to men as well. The emotional instability in men that women have had to put up with. Women need to shut off their maternal instincts and stop nurturing men who ‘ THERE ARE VERY FEW WOMEN WHO WILL IDENTIFY A WEAKNESS IN A MAN AND SEEK TO WORK ON IT TO MAKE THE MAN BETTER FOR THE SAKE OF A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP’ because after she has brought him through the fire, he ups and leaves her. This is not the case? Many women put up with so many things for a man because she was willing to work with him and sought to grow with him till he bcame a better man! What she has to show for herself?
Men are the leaders really and they need to show themselves approved! A woman cannot make a man b a man, or vice versa. When a woman shows her woman( her strengths and weaknesses) most men can’t deal with this and take this for granted.
How many single parent females to single parent males? Men need to step up to the plate and stop this nonsense.
Women will get confused abt what they want if she is exposed to shady men more than 3/4’s of the time.
I do say women shud know their worth and not b willing to put up with crap, but do u know how hard it is to take this stance? The lonely nights? The loneliness hurts, and its not easy to go through this. Woman have to prove to a man she’s a wholesome woman all day every fucking day, and still she gets fucked over. She works, she cleans, she loves.
Men chase women: a man wud go after a girl he likes and chase her with reckless abandonment until he has her, this is harder for a woman to do – some do it, but the man rarely stays in this situation, coz he’s the chase-er not the chase-ee and he jus looooves the chase.
All men r’nt like this, same like all women r’nt like what u wrote above. But I think this women don’t know wat they want blah blah blah is crap.
If a woman want a man for money, she kno wat she wants! If she wants a man for sex, she knows what she wants, if she wants a man for love, she knows wat she wants.
Now in getting any of these and during the process and confusion occurs because of emotions and feelings an what not, its not a woman issue, its human issue, this happens to men as well. I jus think men separate things better and are less in touch, less driven by their emotions so it doesn’t show. Yet still they kill their lovers (that’s for a next topic lol)

i agree a 100%. i’ve ofen said that women have this list of things they want in a man then they think they find this person & when they look down their list none of those things are what makes a good relationship/marriage thats when they come up with the excuse that there are no good men, but by then they’ve already chased all the good men with their list. so they settle long story short bad relationship/marriage. What i always tell the women that cant find a “good man”, wat are you doin to attract a good man? are u a good woman? think on these tings ladies i have since i was 17. if ur hitin the late 20s early 30s & u havent thought about this yet you probably should. u 2 married women u mayb can still save ur marriage. lol

I see this point of view as a very narrow one. A bit of statistical research but obviously no authority on the psychology of women.

Garth! I agree! The root of this evil misconception? Soap Operas and Romance Novels!

So basically what you’re saying is that a good man should not be expected to be sexually appealing? Well then I shall continue to hug up my mango tree until I find a sexy bad man who is good enough for me.

As I read the comments, I can’t help but chuckle at how women get soo defensive when a man points out their flaws! If you had written an article titled “There are no good men to find” I’m sure they’d be singing your praises and agreeing with all that you say!
But let me get back to the blog.
There is no shortage of men, but many women have decided on a list of qualities their man must have, expecting that these men will magically be able to live up to each item. Funny thing, if a man did such a list, many women wouldn’t even make the cut! I’m sure “does not nag or get miserable” would top the list, which reduces the number of potential females drastically! LOL
Some women do have a tendency of having ridiculously high expectations. Don’t believe me? How many of you women out there have picked up men you know weren’t good for you? You know, the ones that don’t believe in monogamy, are dogs, run with crowds you’re not a fan of, etcetera, but you get with them thinking “Oh, all he needs is a good woman and I can clean him up and change him into a faithful stay at home man”? Or they do the worst thing- get pregnant thinking that will make them “See the light” even though is a wutless man who doesn’t even take care of his previous kids, then they curse him for being a deadbeat dad! In truth she should blame herself for being so stupid! If women really knew what they wanted, and respected themselves, they would look on a man like that and not let him near them!!! If you see the way he treats his exes and other children, what makes you think you’ll be any different? Simple, some women have hyped up themselves to believe they’re allll that and a bag of chips! Listen ladies, it isn’t always about how great you see yourself, sometimes it’s about how great he sees you, and as much as you can try to let him see the you that you see, it won’t always happen.
Some women always want to try and change men, mold them into who THEY want them to be. Then when that fails they turn around and curse the men instead of accepting responsibility for the failure. He didn’t fail to change- he had no desire to change in fact. SHE failed to change him, but they will never see it as that! So they always #Blamemen
For me, personality is my biggest attraction. Yea you can be hot, have $$$ and drive a nice car or live in a big house. But what happens if the man loses the job, car and house, and his looks? How many of you can honestly say “I’ll still be with him for as long as I originally planned”? If you’re thinking about long term think about this” looks fade, the body gets old, aches and pains develop. In the end it will just be you and him sitting down beside each other. Will you have anything to talk about to last the rest of your lifetime? Or as the physical and monetary bonuses start the dry up, will you jump ship?
And yes women, admit to the mind games! Some might be mild, some in jest, some as a way of trying to find out what he’s really thinking/feeling. Ever talked your way out of a speeding ticket, or failing class, or missing an assignment? Made your guy feel bad about not taking you out or not inviting you to such and such place? To do all of that is a game of the mind, so don’t get offended. Men play mind games too, so we’re not alone!
I agree with you that women have been conditioned to believe their lives must be a certain way. Get a boyfriend, get married after a while, have babies (sometimes not in that order), and live your life trying to keep the man happy. *rolls eyes* Then they start pressuring the men if it’s not going that way (“We’ve been together for 4 years, where is this going?”), so they finally give in and do that whole family thing. Then as you quint yu eye the relationship mash up. Why? Because that is not what the both of you wanted, but that’s what you’ve been trained to believe you should do. Come on now! Grow up! Decide for yourself what you want. You think your family/friends are going to be there when the shyt hits the fan? All of a sudden you’ll hear “I knew/told you he was like that” and all these statements that you had never heard them utter before. Then behind your back they laugh and curse you for being so foolish. I had a b/f for 3 years, and from year 2 people were askign when we getting married or gonna have kids. As far as i’m concerned, if they’re not gonna be sharing all the work load with me – keeping home and man and child happy- then they have no business trying to nudge me in that direction!

hahahahahahahahahha!!!!! that is all I will say for now….

Ok, I’m going to make the assumption that YOU have found too many of the ‘wrong women’ yourself…

I had actually met/married ‘Mr. Right’, and had 16 wonderful years. But he passed away last year – and I find myself back on the market.
And OH! Boy is it different/harder..

I am absolutely shocked/stunned by some of the situations and offers that I’ve been approached with.

I am an honest & straight forward, non-game playing woman in my mid 40s. Just an average gal. Your basic WYSIWYG kind of person (that cleans up nicely). I don’t hang out in bars looking to ‘pick up’ or be picked up, don’t want to just casually date either…

I know what I like/want – and not willing to settle for less.

My late hubby wasn’t rich, wasn’t perfect, and wasn’t uber hot or sexy (according to society’s standards). But he ‘did it for me’. He was just an average looking guy who worked hard for the things he had. Was kind/sweet, positive, easy going & laid back.
(I’m out here in this big wide world hoping to find someone simular).


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