Archive for November, 2010

Friends with the ex? Not simple at all

Posted on November 25, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

I ran into an ex-girlfriend yesterday. This was our first time seeing each other in about 2 years. The break-up was “clean” (mutual) and we maintained contact via Facebook; you know, happy birthday and merry Christmas. We’re both now parents and we compare ‘parental notes’, but our online exchanges never go deeper than that. Our face to face encounter was a little different from online. I’m not gonna get into what was so “different”, but it made me think a lot.

She and I shared memories that made us laugh and cry. We’ve taken those experiences and moved on. Given that our break up wasn’t “bitter” we felt it would have been ok to remain friends or at least just maintain a ‘civil interaction. Neither of us was the proverbial “heartbreaker”/”dumper”.

I must admit that I felt a lil weird (jealous) when she told me about her pregnancy. Thought to myself “dat coulda been my child if things were different”.  We were friends before we went down the relationship path but we’ll never go back to that friendship we had. When we chatted yesterday lotsa confessions came forth. Things like how we both reflect on the amazing sex we had and how particular perfumes/colognes or even music triggers a flashback.

As much as we’re ‘friends’ now, we won’t ever really confide in each other. How would we tell each other that we’ve got a hot date lined up soon or that we’re going to Hedonism for a wild weekend with the new lover? It would just be weird. I figure we could share other details with each other but, but new lovers and mates are always going to be a sensitive issue.

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that we’ll always be in each other’s lives but just in a different way. We check on each other once in a while to find out how we are, but we never actually KNOW how we really are.

A certain level of passion and sexual desire still exists between us, afterall, that wasn’t the reason for the breakup. This is a recipe for disaster but we’ve decided that we wouldn’t go back there, but o lord we want to. I wouldn’t mind 1 night of unbridled “goodbye” sex, for old times’ sake. I’m confident she feels the same.

Leaving the past behind is hard, but I’m glad we don’t see each other in person often. Otherwise we’d end up just lingering in each other’s lives and that would make it harder to move on. It’s almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to go forward.
I believe it’s a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than potentially doom a civil relationship.

In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends. But in this world where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it’s impossible in most cases to remain friends with an ex.

Moral of the story

Unless you and your ex were the best of friends before, you both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup, you’re both comfortable with either of you seeing new people, and have a policy of total honesty, you’re better to leave the friendship behind … along with the memories.

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Marriage – good stuff

Posted on November 22, 2010. Filed under: Personal Development |

Recently I wrote about not rushing to end single life. Shortly after posting, some of my married friends contacted me speaking about their “wedded bliss”, others complained about life with their spouse. Since I’m all about being balanced, I thought it would only be fair to “big up” marriage.

Statistics locally and globally show a decline in number of marriages annually. There are numerous reasons for this but that’s not what this blog is about. A single female friend commented to me the other day that married men might be a dying breed and ‘marryable’ men might need a lifeline soon too.

Marriage for many men is a scary prospect. We love change and marriage doesn’t seem to offer many options or freedoms. I’m however minded by the fact that every woman/wife is different, so a man must make an extremely careful choice when considering a mate to be with permanently.

Many men think marriage is for suckers/whimps. Some view it as the final nail in their coffin, but still hope to get married someday. Truth be told, I think being married is ultimately way better than being single. Marriage is a lofty ambition that I will attain long before

Various studies have indicated that HAPPILY married men tend to outlive single men. A 2006 study performed by University of California researchers contended that single people are five times more likely to die of infectious disease, nearly 40% more likely to die of heart disease and twice as likely to die accidentally. Other studies suggest that the rate of mortality is a whopping 250% higher among single men than it is among married men.

Another married friend of mine pointed out that being married means sharing expenses. He (and his wife) can afford things they would have a real challenge acquiring individually. I love being a father and it’s one experience almost every man wants, but don’t have a  hav to be married to start a family. However, marriage is the most stable and secure environment in which to start a family. Plus when you’re married and raising children you avoid the clumsy ways of describing the “other” parent. You know, like “Baby mama/daddy” or any other such description. Marriage, another friend says is an investment in the future. He’s 53 and says he doesn’t regret giving up the wild orgies of his single 20’s. “Garth, mi nuh sexy like one time. Dem young gal yah wouldn’t want me now, is me money dem woulda want. Mi wife love me and she want me so dat we can gwaan grow old together.” I agree with him, neither of them will have to ‘age alone’.

Years ago I tried an experiment. For 6months I wore a wedding band just to see how my exploits with women would change. Women love a taken man. The ring made very little difference to most of the women with whom I flirted. They all found it amusing after I revealed that the ring was nothing more than an experiment. So I guess a married man’s ego can be stroked should by women who are “attracted to the ring”. Hopefully he’s a faithful husband who won’t allow any woman but his wife to stroke anything else of his.

Business favours married couples. Insurance, taxes, home loans, car loans you name it, it’s all easier to access if you’re married. Is anyone gonna lobby against that?

Married couples know each other; they have a feel for each others’ bodies and are aware of their partner’s fantasies. As a result, married sex is better than single sex. A long, stable relationship lends itself to sexual experimentation. Admit it; there are things you’d love to try in bed that you’ve never told anyone because you were afraid of being judged. But in a long-term relationship founded on trust, you can give voice to your innermost desires.

I read online that married people are happier than single people. I have trouble believing that because most of the miserable people I know are married, lol. Anyhow, a recent study at an Australian university shows that married men are happier than single men. In fact, married men are 135% more likely to report a happiness score than single men. The U.W.I. should carry out a similar research in the Caribbean.

I’m sure there are lots more great things to highlight about marriage, but until I take that step I doubt I’ll know what those things are.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not married! All I did was have a conversation with a few of my married friends and did some research online.

 

 

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How Facebook Functions in Modern Romance

Posted on November 22, 2010. Filed under: Interesting News Articles |

The following article was published on the Mashable website on November 21, 2010. Here’s the link http://mashable.com/2010/11/19/seventeen-facebook-study/

 

There’s no denying that Facebook has had an impact on the way the younger set flirt, fall in love and break up. Now,Seventeen magazine has released a study that depicts just what kind of repercussions the social networking site has had on modern courtship.

“Teens are incredibly social, and Facebook plays a huge role in their love lives,” says Ann Shoket, editor-in-chief of Seventeenmagazine.

According to the study — which polled 10,000 guys and girls ages 16 to 21 — Facebook plays an important part in how amorous teens make a connection. Within one week of meeting a new person, 79% of people click “friend,” and after adding a new friend; 60% of people stalk their crush’s profile once a day (40% check in on their would-be soulmate several times a day). Moreover, contrary to beliefs that social networking is erroding interpersonal communication, 72% of those surveyed said that talking to someone online brings you closer to them IRL.

As we have already seen in other studies, Facebook also plays a role in how we fall out of loveMashablewriter Samuel Axon wrote a detailed feature about how Facebook has changed dating for the worse, Facebook dating app AreYouInterested released a study in which 21% of respondents said they would break up with someone via changing their statuses, and, most recently, infographic wizard David McCandless came out witha chart that shows popular breakup periods by way of status updates.

Seventeen, for its part, reports that 10% of people have been dumped over Facebook, and the same number would just change their relationship status to “single” to cut a lover loose. The report also depicts the anguish the site can cause after a breakup, citing that 27% of people change their connection to their exes after a breakup via blocking (get Ex-Blocker for that extra push), hiding him or her on the News Feed or unfriending. Surprisingly, 73% of people keep their exes in the friends list. I’d like to see some stats on how many of those 73% stalk said ex after the breakup.

A couple of other interesting tidbits from the study:

  • Girls are more judgmental: 43% of girls would decide not to date someone based on their Facebook profile, compared to 33% of guys.
  • Guys are more likely to keep relationship statuses under wraps: 17% of guys don’t share their status, compared to 12% of girls.
  • Girls think it’s exciting to change their relationship status: 50% of girls get a kick out of the status change — one-third of guys agree; 24% of guys find it unnecessary, compared to 17% of girls.
  • What do you think? Has Facebook affected your love life?

     

 

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Jamaican gas prices and Petrojam

Posted on November 17, 2010. Filed under: General Information |

For almost a year now I’ve posted a #WeeklyGasUpdate every Wednesday on my Facebook and Twitter. I note the difference in people’s reaction to the prices. A decrease rarely gets a comment/response, but when there’s an increase then people get all pissed and start cursing Petrojam and the government.

I’ve been asked if I work with Petrojam, the answer is NO!

But I figure if they’re not doing the public education that needs to take place, I’ll fill that gap in my own little way.

As a public service, let me breakdown how this whole gas price thing goes

Poor Petrojam

Petrojam is a limited liability company; jointly owned by PDVCaribe, a subsidiary of Petróleos de Venezuela (PDVSA) and the Petroleum Corporation of Jamaica (PCJ). The PCJ is a statutory body created and wholly owned by the Government of Jamaica.

The General Manager is responsible for daily management of Jamaica’s only petroleum refinery; however the ultimate internal authority is the Board of Directors. The Board is comprised of an equal number of Venezuelan and Jamaican Directors.

Petrojam was established in 1982 when the Government of Jamaica purchased the Esso Kingston Refinery, which had been built, and operated by Esso since March 1964. In 2006 the Government of Jamaica sold 49% of its shares to PDVCaribe.

What Causes High Oil Prices?

Like most of the things we buy, oil prices are affected by supply and demand. More demand, drives higher prices. Demand ebbs and flows depending on time of year and the various consumption habits of the public. However, oil prices are also affected by “oil price futures”, which are traded on the commodities exchange. These prices fluctuate daily, depending on what investors think the price of oil will be going forward.

What/Who Affects Oil Supply?

The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) is a cartel of twelve developing countries made up of AlgeriaAngolaEcuador,IranIraqKuwaitLibyaNigeriaQatarSaudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, and Venezuela. OPEC produces 46% of the world’s oil. In 1960, they formed an alliance to regulate the supply, and to some extent, the price of oil. These countries realized they had a non-renewable resource. If they competed with each other, the price of oil would be so low that they would run out sooner than if oil prices were higher. OPEC’s goal is to keep the price of oil at around $70 per barrel (that’s only a goal). A higher price gives other countries the incentive to drill new fields which are too expensive to open when prices are low. Non-OPEC countries include USA, Canada, Russia, China, Norway, Brazil and others.

Oil Demand

This varies among countries. A country’s demand for oil depends on factors such as population, climate, level of development, whether it produces its own oil, transportation systems, and the size of the productive sector among others. I’m no economist, so I’m open to be corrected/updated. The U.S. uses 20% of the world’s oil. The European Union is the next biggest user, at 15%. China only uses 10%, but its use has grown rapidly. (Source: BP Statistical Review of World Energy, CIA World Factbook)

What Affects Oil Price Futures?

Oil futures, or futures contracts, are agreements to buy or sell oil at a specific date in the future at a specific price. Traders in oil futures bid on the price of oil based on what they think oil will trade at. They look at projected supply and demand to determine the price. However, if traders think the price of oil will be high, they create a self-fulfilling prophecy by bidding up oil prices. This can create high oil prices even when there is plenty of supply on hand. Once this starts, other investors will bid on oil prices just like any other commodity, such as gold, creating an “asset bubble.

Relationship between Oil Prices and Gasoline Prices

Crude oil generally accounts for 55% of the price of gasoline, while distribution and taxes influence the remaining 45%. Usually, distribution and taxes are stable, so that the change in the price of gasoline accurately reflects oil price fluctuations. Gas prices are also affected when production lines are disrupted or are down for maintenance, or when there’s a war or civil unrest or when major natural disasters occur.

Petrojam buys crude oil then sells refined gasoline to Marketing Companies like Shell, Texaco, Esso, Total, Epping and others. These companies add their respective mark-ups based on various factors, I don’t know what those are, but I figure it includes the costs to distribute the gasoline to the various gas stations from which we buy.

Additionally, Jamaicans pay 15% of the value of gasoline as an ad valorem tax, in addition to a specific tax of $16 per litre.

These gas stations are usually a part of the Jamaica Gasoline Retailers Association. Each individual gas station has its own sets of overheads and that determines what you pay at the pumps.

Knowledge and action

Remember, oil is traded daily. Petrojam does weekly updates of its prices based on how the price of crude is determined by oil price futures and OPEC. Venezuela, with whom Jamaica has an agreement, is a part of OPEC.

JGRA members and other gas retailers purchase from Marketing Companies or directly from Petrojam then add their respective mark-ups.

What we need to do is monitor the price updates from Petrojam and STOP SUPPORTING GAS STATIONS THAT ONLY INCREASE THEIR PRICES.

We need to be more efficient in our use of the commodity – CONSERVE!

Retweet or share your facebook  if this has been useful.

Follow me … www.twitter.com/daddycrab … @daddycrab

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Evaluating the relationship

Posted on November 16, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

When I enter a relationship, I expect it to last.  I think of it as practise for marriage. Yes, I said marriage! You thought Garth couldn’t harbour such lofty ambitions? lol

Anyway, the sad truth is that as lifestyles change so do people. After a while, flaws and cracks inevitably start to show and you may find yourself dedicating more and more time to fixing the relationship rather than enjoying it to the fullest.  At some point, you may need to acknowledge the fact that your relationship no longer suits your needs. This is usually a very difficult point to explain because to your ‘partner’ you’re gonna look like an asshole. But when the relationship isn’t meeting your individual or collective needs then it’s time for an assessment of the value of the relationship.

My dad recommended thinking of a relationship like a home: both are susceptible to wear and tear and both require a certain amount of upkeep. Sometimes the work put into a relationship feels like a real job (I wish I could have gotten paid). How much work is too much work, though? Sometimes a relationship just needs a little renovation and there are times when the whole thing should be condemned.

Why did I get married?

The most important thing in a house is the foundation. What is the foundation in a relationship? Trust is the foundation of every good relationship, believe it or not. Trust doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m telling her all my secrets. There are lotsa things I would never tell in a relationship, unless directly asked and there’s no option to “plea the 5th”. The important thing is that you’re honest with each other. Whenever I caught a girlfriend telling half-truths or if you don’t give her my honest opinion about anything, it’s a bad sign. It’s also a clear indication that one of us doesn’t trust the other. An absence of trust is cause for SERIOUS concern, it usually means THE END IS NEAR!

Are we there yet?

Sometimes I’m so blinded by lust and physical intimacy that I don’t consider the direction of the relationship until after the novelty has worn off. I figure most people do the same thing. It’s always important to know where the relationship is headed and early too. Whenever my vision of the relationship’s future doesn’t meet with hers then there’s trouble ahead. This is where compromise comes into play and skillful negotiation. If you’re not on the same journey together then in the end you’re gonna end up in different places.

Let’s be real … Let’s be superficial

Looks aren’t everything, but they aren’t nothing either. No easy “renovations” can be done to a human body. That’s why in a relationship, physical appearance is important consideration. To some, it might seem shallow to evaluate your partner based on looks, but let’s be real: our level of attraction to each other is going to impact how physical(intimate) we get with each other. Let’s be real again, intimacy (or the lack thereof) affects every other area of the relationship. I usually ask myself “how will she look in 20 years”. I bet all my exes asked the same question about me. For women they say that a man can tell how his wife will age based on how her mom has aged. That’s usually been a good gauge in my experience. If we’re not finding each other “hot” or appealing anymore that’s when the temptation to ‘outsource’ intimacy may creep in.

Watch dem quarrels

I avoid confrontation and quarrels, but a healthy debate is always a good thing. It’s a good thing to have a difference of opinion that can be managed/handled responsibly.  I’ve got friends who always seem to be fighting/quarreling but how much fighting is normal? Periodic arguing, even the occasional blowout, is not unusual. Constant bickering, however, is a sign of serious problems.  My experience has taught me that hearing nasty comments from her too often is a sign of built-up resentment or anger.

The grass isn’t necessarily greener

We always hear about the old man leaving his wife for a younger hotter girl. Does his story always have a happy ending? Very rarely does t end happily ever after for him. You shouldn’t jeopardize a relationship just because someone else catches your eye.

It’s human to look around and envy others. I’m always reminded of the Jamaican idiom “See mi and live wid me a 2 different ting‘. Not every couple that appears happy or ideal is really that way. Who you think is your “dream partner” could end up being a nightmare.

I recommend that you try to fix what you have before racing off to find a new relationship, or before racing to be single. Ending a relationship is a big decision. Before you start packing your things, you need to be certain about what else is out there.

Panel of peers aka ‘Relationship Jury’

Whether I may like it or not, once my friends and her friends know of the relationship everybody is gonna have an opinion. Some people will voice their opinion uninvited. Some will only share it if they’re asked and others won’t say a word. Think about how your significant other gets along with your friends, family and colleagues. After-all, you’re both gonna have to interact with all these folks from time to time. If who you’re with can’t win the favour of your closest and most trusted friends/family then that might be a bad sign.

Closing

Every relationship is prone to problems; that’s a given. If you notice an increase in your bickering, your first step should be to try to resolve the issues hampering your romantic bliss. When you’re assessing the value of your relationship, remember that it deserves a fair inspection before you demolish it.

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Why Women Cannot Find a Good Man

Posted on November 10, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

The many variables contributing to this phenomenon actually come down to overcoming one negative attribute of the female mind, which is lack of self-knowledge. (Pardon me, but the whole “academic/intellectual” thing just had to be done at the start, now back to regular talkin, lol)

If a woman does not know who she is and what her purpose and true nature is, she will never understand how to find (get) a good man. Might I also add that part of the reason why men will never understand women is simply based on the fact that WOMEN really don’t understand WOMEN. Their “complexity” as a species/gender has rendered them inconsistent in actually practicing what they preach.

First, let us dispel all the myths and urban legends.

There is no shortage of men. Though there are many men in the prison system, there are not as many men in the prison system than there are on the streets. There are also good men in prison (or they come out that way), but most women would rather not date an ex-con because of the societal stigma attached to those who’ve been incarcerated.

There are statistics that suggest that 1 out of 17 men are gay, they are only a small percentage of the general population. Let us also consider the fact that the marriage rate is low, not all good men are married (quite a number of the “bad” men are already married, just ask the women who currently exist in “wedded misery”); it merely appears that way because of the female preference and wish list.

Therefore, this leaves the majority of men available and “marriable” (we should get this word adopted into the English Lexicon). There are many college educated men, single men who are decent men, and many God-fearing men who want a family and would be dedicated to that family. The problem is not so much with men or the shortage myth, but what women want in their men.

Secondly, all too many times, women are expectant of something. They say they will settle for a man with a job, any job, but in reality, when the money is not rolling in plentiful enough to keep up with “girlfriend,” the woman’s true preferences show through. They then attempt to “better” their man by suggesting more schooling (or in extreme cases, “alternate” means of income generation)

Many women claim that physique is not important or looks, or size, but when time comes for public appearances, family reunions, or physical satisfaction, somehow the woman comes up short. She speaks for the man in public (and society has come to expect women to do the talking), she makes excuses to family and friends for her man’s situation, and she constantly seeks change and variety in sexuality.Not to say that all women are like this, but those who cannot seem to find a good man would better fit this profile in more ways than one.

Third, she ignores the brother on her job that just does not spark that physical appeal in her. She is not impressed with the brother’s work habits or his nerdy qualities, and she automatically looks the other way because of his lack of sex appeal and she turns to the brother who got it that way instead, yet he is the one who will treat her like a dog.

She has not understood that many men will make her a good husband if she knew what to look for instead of searching for the stereotypical qualities on her list-of-desirable men. Each woman as an individual will need to identify qualities in a man that are specific to her unique needs in order to find an absolutely compatible mate.

Too many women believe in “society’s” definition of what a man is thus she looks for that man. He is the hunk, the bad boy, the jock, the successful, and she ignores the obvious, the nerd, the simple, the bright, the thinker, the anti-social, and the quiet.

Lastly, women cannot find a good man because she does not know who she is and what makes her happy. Her mother told her to find a successful lawyer or doctor but her mother neglected to tell her that lawyers and doctors can cheat on their wives too.

Her friends told her to find a man who could satisfy her sexually but they neglected to tell her that he will satisfy everyone else’s sexual desires as well.

The woman’s magazine told her to find a man who is sensitive and who will share the house work while she works, yet neglected to tell her that that is reverse oppression and a man will not stay down long under those circumstances.

She has the excuses; she has tried this man and that, but has come to the conclusion that all men are dogs. One problem with that is, if all the men she tried were dogs in her book, then her attempt to train him was a failure; if all the men she’s tried are dogs, does it mean that there’s something wrong with the men? Or is it that there’s something wrong with her?

This leads into the drama of what women want.

The mind games, the control factor, and the unrealistic expectations of women have gone beyond that of reality and into the fanatical.

Women first read the man through and then try him in many areas to test his stability. This is a mistake because if she has to test him then she is expecting something other than a real relationship. She is also putting in jeopardy the potential of a relationship from the beginning.

The games, the games, the mind games. The woman then has to gain control. She first seeks out the man’s weakness and when she has found it, she will either exploit it for her own benefit, because that is what she is taught by her girlfriends, or she will accept it as is and help strengthen it for her advantage in the future. THERE ARE VERY FEW WOMEN WHO WILL IDENTIFY A WEAKNESS IN A MAN AND SEEK TO WORK ON IT TO MAKE THE MAN BETTER FOR THE SAKE OF A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.

She expects sensitivity, consideration, and respect, yet if she is not sensitive, considerate or respectful of others, or herself, she will never receive those things from him. She first has to know herself before expecting this character from others to her own satisfaction.

Does she really want a family or is this something she has come to anticipate from the propaganda of society and media?
Is she going to be a good mother because many men want children but cannot handle a contentious and or perplexed woman? Thus we have many single mothers.

Not to say that men have it all together, but when women complain about not being able to find a good man, they must first understand what a good man is and what to expect from him. She must also know how to give that which is good to the man if she wants to keep him and call him her own.

What say you?…

P.S.

Let me further point out that there is a very clear distinction between women and little girls, which will be the topic of another note.

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Loving yourself

Posted on November 10, 2010. Filed under: Personal Development |

For most of you who know me personally, when you read the title of the note you thought I was going to launch off into the “Wild World of Whacking Off”, lol. I’ll save that topic for another time.

Do you want someone to love you unconditionally? Well, do you give yourself 100 percent unconditional love? If we really expect others to love us unconditionally, then we have to love ourselves first.

It is easy to point the finger at our significant other and say all of the things that are wrong with them. It is harder to point our fingers at ourselves and ask, “Why is this my experience?” It’s hard to look at our past and present to see why we are experiencing a lack of self-love.

Unfortunately our society and our educational system don’t give us the knowledge we need to build this sense of love for ourselves. There is no “how-to” manual. Our family is the only structure that offers us a hint of this 100 percent unconditional love, and if we were raised in a semi-dysfunctional (or extremely dysfunctional) family, then the odds of finding it are against us.

At some point in our lives, we have to come to the decision to love ourselves, for our personal benefit and for the benefit of those who love us. A lack of self-love will ultimately turn an optimistic relationship into an unhappy one because neither person will be able to express unconditional love.

Learning to embrace yourself and love yourself unconditionally isn’t easy. What do we need to do?

Acknowledge that you have to love yourself unconditionally before you can love anyone else.

Accept that your self-love can only come from you.

Start with yourself, you have to stop looking to others for love.

Nurture yourself like you were a baby. Treat yourself to a solo dinner, go to a spa by yourself, tell yourself that you are beautiful.

Discover all the things there are to love about yourself. You can ask friends to tell you what they like about you as well as thinking about the things you love about yourself.

See what your strengths are, and build your life around them.

In the end I hope you will finally attract the love in your life that you were missing before.

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Single Life – don’t rush to end it

Posted on November 9, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

Everyday I hear persons complain about trouble in their relationships (marriages). I wonder why people are so obsessed about getting into relationships anyway. When you’re single, you’re not committed anyone in particular, able to party like a rock star and sleep late with no one to tell you to do otherwise. It’s a great life, and why shouldn’t it be?

These days, there’s no real social pressure to get married right out of high school or university unlike when our fore-parents were young. You can easily get laid without saying “I do,” and most people are waiting until much later in life to tie the knot.

People are always asking “when are you going to settle down?” (I’ll take on the whole matter of “settling down” in another blog) Should anyone really be in a rush to ransom their freedom? Should you start searching for your soul-mate and wave bye-bye to your prided singularity?

Remember life’s all about different strokes for different folks. We won’t all subscribe to the same views, not even god can make that happen. So know yourself and know what works for you.

Before I digress let me just talk about why single life can be beneficial

Time to find “the one”

So let’s assume you believe (or been brainwashed) that there’s one person out there for you. In Jamaican parlance “Every hoe have dem stick a bush”. Being single gives you enough time to wait for your true soul mate (if one even exists) to pop into the picture.  The last thing you want is to be in a relationship and meet someone with whom you’re more compatible with than your partner.

When you’re single you can take the time to casually wade through the shark-infested waters of the dating ocean pool and bait your hook for the prize catch.

In other words, by holding out for the right one you can avoid the mistake of a lifetime and marry for love and not out of desperation (or because of the pressure from your friends/family)

It’s sad to say, but too many people get hitched for the wrong reasons, like they’ve reached a certain age, all of their friends are getting married, and they haven’t been successful at dating and this person is the first to show interest.

Staying single allows you to take your time playing the dating game, and increase your odds of beating the divorce statistics.

Career building

Staying single allows you to enjoy the opportunity of building your career without draining the energy a permanent relationship entails. You remain free to put in long hours, work on the weekends or do whatever else you have to do to be more successful. If you’re working in any kind of time-demanding field, such as politics, medicine, law or entrepreneurship you know exactly what I mean.

What’s the advantage, you  might ask, of being successful and single? Think about it, once your business booms and you’re raking in millions then you’ll have alot more “options” from which to choose a mate. Let’s be real for a moment, your chances of getting into a relationship and marriage are significantly increased when you’re rich. It’s just the way of the world (sad but true).  That being said, when you’re rich you probably still won’t even have time to think about marriage, but that’s a risk lotsa people are willing to take.

FREEEEEEEEDOM!!!

When you’re single, the world is your beach and all you have to do is play in the sand. You can pick up and go anywhere you want, do anything you want, any time you want. No one is in the background nagging at you.

You’re absolutely free to hang out with your friends, party until dawn and find plenty of time for your “personal interests” and/or hobbies. Best of all, you have the luxury of being all by yourself, if you feel like it.

SEXUAL OPTIONS

One of the best reasons for staying single is that you don’t have to limit yourself to staying with the same sex partner. Even though there are people(not just men) who have more than 1 sex partner when in a committed relationship [a very sad truth]. The dating world is yours to conquer. You can happily sample all the different offerings at the sexual buffet and keep your taste buds primed for the next dish being served (pardon the eating analogy, lol).

What’s more, you never have to wrestle with sexual boredom or lack of variety, especially if your partner is close minded and unadventurous. Fantasies are all yours to make reality. When you’re single, your sex life can become whatever you want it to be, you can be as uninhibited as you want.

Better wealth management

At the risk of sounding like a complete meanie, I remind you that relationships (marriages) come with particular “attendant costs”. It’s like buying a house or car and having to constantly spend on its upkeep and insurance. The financial decisions/considerations affect no one but you. The buck literally stops with you. The bills you pay and your spending habits are less because you’re spending for just one, especially your entertainment costs. Your only mandate is to be fiscally responsible

By staying single, you’re not legally or financially obligated to anyone but yourself. Oh and let’s consider how money gets split in the event of a divorce. What’s that I hear the men say about prenuptial agreements? Try convincing a woman, regardless of the endless love she has for you, to sign a prenuptial agreement. Moving right along…

Ahhhh yes, good ol’ peace and quiet

Staying single means peace and quiet. When you live alone you’re not subjected to mood swings, emotional storms or blame games. If you’re not a good listener then single life is even more appealing because you won’t be expected to provide counseling at the end of a bad day. You can leave the toilet seat up (or down) and not have to answer to anyone.

I can spoil me

If you see it online or in a store, you can buy it because you want it. When you wake up and feel like jetting off to a random location, then you can do it without having to ask questions. If you feel like going to a hotel, all you gotta do is pack a bag, secure the house and just go. Again, all you have to do is  maintain a certain level of responsibility by not overdoing anything.

Compromise, what the hell is that?

Being single means you don’t have to constantly find a “middle ground” between you and the significant other. You don’t have to do what anyone else wants to do, just to make them happy or keep them off your back. This includes being forced to see chick flicks or attend baby showers or watch/attend sporting events and the list goes on and on

THE SINGLE LIFE

While a relationship (marriage) may provide certain benefits, when you choose to stay single, you’re keeping the door open for many more options and opportunities in your life. Your independence is something you should never surrender lightly, even if you think you’ve met the man/woman of your dreams.

Relationships are risky and emotions are powerful, just bear that in mind before you take a chance with your heart or put someone else’s heart on the line

So think twice (or maybe three times) before you take that long walk down the aisle (literal and figurative).

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Baby Mama Drama – remember the children

Posted on November 4, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

Breaking up with someone and staying civil is hard enough when it’s just between the two of you, but when a child is involved, it can be a bit dicey. It can be a real challenge working with an ex to raise a child, especially when the ex has started another relationship.

 

Many people become bitter when a relationship does not turn out the way he or she wanted. There is a great deal of anger, animosity, and resentment from a broken relationship, which affects the future of the relationship when a child is involved. Both parents or even one of the parents may have difficulty moving on. There’s usually unresolved emotions and feelings. Adults have to be adults when a child or children are in the middle of a quarrel.

 

Derogatory name

Baby mama and baby daddy, 2 terms that I dislike. I understand that it’s a tidy way to refer to the other parent, but the terms just conjure up the wrong image in one’s mind. Get rid of that label. We all should stop referring to your child’s parent as your “baby mama” or “baby daddy”. View them as the other party involved in the creation of your little one. If the child is over the age of two, that term is definitely inappropriate.

 

Right communication

Communicate directly with your ex. Do not use your child as a walkie-talkie. Using your child as a go between can lead to disaster. Children often play sides when it comes to wanting things from their parents. Miscommunication can develop if a message is misconstrued whether intentionally or unintentionally. It’s best if you two do the talking directly. Children aren’t pawns, they are children.

 

Keep it simple and straight forward. Share what your needs or concerns for your child are while being specific and concise. Dont over do the talking. Get right to the point. Once the point has been communicated then move right along to the next point. This way you will avoid quarrels and disagreements. These are not beneficial to the child and hamper the possibility of an amicable relationship with your ex.

 

Don’t lead your ex on.

Speak only of the child. If your own personal matters must be discussed, it should be only tie directly to concerns related to the child. Your personal life is your own and your ex should no longer be a part of it. That is why he or she is called your ex

 

Don’t be obnoxious.

Do not bash the other parent in the presence of your child. You don’t have to be the best of buds, but you should at least be civil. A child can pick up on any animosity you hold for their mommy or daddy and will likely resent you for being the meanie.

 

Schedule properly

Make it work for both parents. Establish a schedule for visitations, attending sporting events, other extra curricular activities, doctor and dental visits. Whether it is a court ruling or set by both parents, it should be made flexible to suit all involved.

 

Tread cautiously with the new partner

Keep them out of it. Avoid getting your new partner involved in matters between you and your ex. If you are strictly about business with your ex, your new mate should feel no insecurity and not interfere with the parental system you’ve set up with your ex. your ex has to be respectful and do the same with their new partner.

 

Everyone has their place. If you are taking the next step in the relationship with your new partner, assure your ex that no one will be taking their place. Make it certain that you have chosen someone who understands the importance of your child’s relationship with the other parent, and make it known you’re not looking for a replacement. If this seems tough, just remember that you wouldn’t want to be replaced by a new mommy or daddy yourself

 

Where’s the drama really coming from?

I think most “drama” comes in where parents break up on very bad terms. If 1 party is jealous, possessive, obsessive and vindictive then moving on after a child or children can become hell. Drama becomes amplified where 1 of the parents is dishonest in their dealings with a new partner.

 

Some individuals subscribe to a sentiment that “if i can’t have the ‘other parent’ no one else can have them”

 

Often times it’s the man who’s the guilty party when dishonesty is at play. If a man is still sleeping with the mother of his child but he wants to move on, HE MUST BE HONEST WITH THE MOTHER AND THE POTENTIAL NEW GIRLFRIEND. If he’s dishonest then that’s when things can become ugly. Can’t always have a cake and eat it too.

 

Mothers face a real challenge in letting go of the man. Aterall, everytime she sees the child or children she must think of him. While they were making the child/children she never necessarily saw a future raising the family without his daily direct input. Men have challenge too, but we seem to handle the situation differently.

 

Men often think that they’re supposed to have exclusive access to the mother(s) of their children. They rarely ever want to deal with the reality of another man being with the mother of their children. Some mothers are also of the same view.

 

It’s not always the parents who  make the situation ‘dramatic’, there are times when the new partner is the one who comes with the wrong attitude/approach and just makes a bad situation worse. It’s therefore the ‘parent’ who’s responsible to “reign in” the new partner. It’s important to tread cautiously, monitor carefully and do all possible for things to work out amicably.

 

This is best facilitated in an environment of honesty.

 

Other things to remember.

– Stick to your guns, being too lax can lead to your ex taking advantage of you.

– Don’t be bullied, you’re an adult, you’re a parent and what you say matters.

– Be cool, people are unpredictable especially after a break up. They might not want to be reasonable; they might not have a desire to get along. Just keep your composure and retrace your steps because in the end its really the child/children which matter.

 

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Preppin for a Hurricane

Posted on November 3, 2010. Filed under: General Information |

How to prepare for a hurricane

 

Get your family together and plan

Prepare your food supply

Secure your home and property

Taking inventory of your property

Special assistance

If your home is safe, stay put

What to do when the storm hits

 

Planning ahead

To make sure everyone knows how to respond in the event of a hurricane, you might want to convene a family meeting or meetings. Topics of discussion should include:

  • What to do about power outages.
  • How to deal with personal injuries.
  • How to turn off the water, gas and electricity at main switches.
  • What to do if you have to evacuate.
  • Where to meet and whom to contact if you get separated.

In addition, you should:

  • Post emergency telephone numbers by the telephones.
  • Teach children how and when to call 119 for help.
  • Make arrangements for your pets.

Getting your food supply ready

Have at least a three-day supply of nonperishable food on hand. Focus on high-nutrition foods that require no refrigeration, preparation or cooking and little or no water. Your foodstuffs might include:

  • Ready-to-eat canned meats, fruits, vegetables
  • Canned juices, milk, soup
  • Staples, including sugar, salt, pepper
  • High energy foods, including peanut butter, jelly, crackers, granola bars
  • Vitamins
  • Foods for infants, the elderly or people on special diets
  • Comfort/stress foods, including cookies, hard candy, instant coffee, tea

Optimally, a two-week supply of nonperishable food is recommended. Though it is unlikely that an emergency would cut off your food supply for that long, such a stockpile can relieve a great deal of inconvenience and uncertainty until services are restored. You don’t need to go out and buy unfamiliar foods to prepare an emergency food supply. You can use the canned foods, dry mixes and other staples on your cupboard shelves.

Keep canned foods in a dry place where the temperature is fairly cool. To protect boxed foods from pests and extend their shelf life, store the boxes in tightly closed cans or metal containers.

Rotate your food supply. Use foods before they go bad, and replace them with fresh supplies, dated with ink or marker. Place new items at the back of the storage area and older ones in front.

Keep a supply of cooking and eating implements that can be used in the absence of running water or electricity, including:

  • Plastic utensils, paper cups and plates
  • Manual can and bottle openers
  • Kerosene, butane and coal.

Securing your home

Board up windows or attach storm shutters. Taping windows will not prevent breakage, but will help reduce shattering.

Electric power may be off, so have a supply of extra food, especially things that can be eaten without cooking, and a hand-operated can opener.

Thoroughly clean the bathtub, jugs, bottles and cooking utensils, and fill containers with drinking water. Allow a minimum of 3 gallons of water for each person.

Check flashlights and radios. Make sure you have batteries.

Check trees and shrubbery, and remove limbs that could damage your house or utility lines.

Secure anything that might tear loose or blow away, including garbage cans, grills, potted plants, garden tools, toys, signs, porch furniture, awnings.

Do not lower the water level in your swimming pool, or it may pop out of the ground. Remove pumps from underground pits after all valves have been closed and the electricity has been shut off. If the filter pump is exposed, wrap it in a waterproof material and tie it securely. Add extra chlorine to the pool to help prevent contamination (3 gallons of chlorine per 5,000 gallons of water).

Fill your car’s gas tank.

 

Getting special assistance

Find out about any special assistance that may be available in your community. Create a network of neighbors, relatives, friends and co-workers to aid you in an emergency. Discuss with them your needs and make sure they know how to operate any necessary equipment.

If you live in an apartment building, ask the management to clearly mark accessible exits and to make arrangements to help you evacuate the building.

Keep a supply of extra wheelchair batteries, oxygen, catheters, medication, food for guide or hearing-ear dogs. Also, keep a list of the type and serial numbers of medical devices.

 

Is your home safe? Stay put

If  your house is structurally sound and in a non-evacuated zone, you should ride out the storm there.

Leaving your home when it isn’t necessary adds to traffic congestion and makes it tougher on those who must evacuate.

During the storm, it is safest to use a battery-powered radio or television to monitor developments. If you lose power, turn off major appliances reduce damage.

Stay inside and keep away from windows or glass doors. Stay on the leeward, or downwind, side of the house. If the wind direction changes, move to the new downwind side.

If the storm center passes over your area, there will be a short period of calm. The wind and rain may cease, but do not go outside. Remember, at the other side of the eye, the wind speed rapidly increases to hurricane force and will come from the opposite direction.

Wait for official word before you leave your home.

 

During the storm

Monitor your radio or TV for the latest weather advisories and other emergency information.

Do not use electrical appliances.

Stay inside and keep away from windows. Stay on the downwind side of the house. If the wind direction changes, move to the new downwind side. Find a safe area in your home — an interior, reinforced room, closet or bathroom on the lower floor.

If the storm center passes over your area, there will be a short period of calm. Do not go outside. At the other side of the eye, the wind speed rapidly increases to hurricane force and will come from the opposite direction.

Wait for official word before you leave your home.

 

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