Having a female friend/ sistren can bring many good things into your life. You can go to her for inside advice when your girlfriend’s logic (or lack thereof) is making you crazy. You can hang with her when you’re not in the mood for all the testosterone in the company of the ‘boys’. She’s there when you need someone (else) to talk to. And, when you’re single, she even helps you get 1 or more of her friends/acquaintances (rare, but still happens). ** Female friend = Sistren in this blog **
Unfortunately, having a woman as a friend can also cause disharmony, especially in your relationship with your girlfriend. I once heard a lady friend say, “Garth, woman nuh like odda woman”.
Is it possible to maintain a friendship with a female friend while preserving your sanity and your relationship?
There are some girls that you can have as friends without your girlfriend complaining too much. She might grumble about it, but she’ll have no ground to stand on. These women include those you were friends with before you got together with your girlfriend and those who are clearly in happy, stable relationships of their own. She also shouldn’t have a leg to stand on if she tries to bitch about a female friend that you are obviously not attracted to physically. If the friend is a lesbian, “mature” or a very devout religious person then the girlfriend should be fine with that too.
On the other hand, there are some women you might want to have in your life that are unacceptable to your girlfriend. If your female friend is your ex, then that’s gonna raise a red flag from as early as the courtship stage. If you have fooled around with your female friend in the past, it’s not difficult to see how that might bother your girlfriend. Same for the girl who has a “questionable reputation”. If your female friend has been known to go for attached guys, your girlfriend has a right to be suspicious. If your female friend previously had “beef” with your female friend, then you know there’s going to be problem. Finally, if your girlfriend genuinely dislikes your female friend — for reasons other than the facts that she’s a girl and she’s friends with you — you might want to take her opinion into account.
There are some things you can do with your female friend that shouldn’t be threatening to your girlfriend. Your girlfriend will feel much more comfortable with you going out for drinks if you do it in a group or it looks like it’s a drink with “the boys”. Don’t go to a quiet bar where the atmosphere is romantic; instead, take your female friend to a loud pub and pound back some beers like she’s just one of the guys. As far as conversation topics go, talking about your mutual past with your female friend is allowed, but try not to do it too much in front of your girlfriend or she’ll start to feel left out. Take part in hobbies or interests that you and your female friend have in common and that your girlfriend isn’t into. It’s always a good idea to keep your time spent with your female friend in a group situation or at least in a public place.
In order to keep your relationship with your girlfriend steady and trouble-free, there are some activities that you should never do with your female friend.
#1: ABSOLUTELY NO SLEEPOVERS. It doesn’t matter if you’re drunk, if there’s a storm outside or if she needs company after a breakup, there is no reason you should spend the night at your female friend’s house — even if you sleep on the couch.
#2: NO ALL NIGHT PLANS Avoid things like dinner and a movie. Keep the atmosphere platonic. You should never choose to spend special occasions like holidays with your female friend instead of your girlfriend.
#3 Never spend more time with your female friend than your girlfriend. That’s self explanatory!
#4 NO ‘COUPLES’ EVENTS. Acting as a fill-in date for your friend for a wedding or office party is also a no-no.
Basically, there shouldn’t be any aspect to your interactions that could force people to assume you’re dating.
MEN & WOMEN AS FRIENDS
Men and women have many differences, but that shouldn’t stop us from being friends. A friendship between a man and a woman can be just as platonic as the ones you share with your male friends — but it does require a little extra attention to make sure everyone involved is comfortable with the situation. You don’t have to give up your SISTREN just because you have a girlfriend. Just be honest and aware of their feelings and you should be able to have the best of both worlds.
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