Women and the cheating man

Posted on October 14, 2010. Filed under: Gender Relations |

I have always maintained that ladies don’t always know what they want (go ahead and disagree, sue me if you want, lol). Anyway, my point is borne out by the consistent inconsistencies women apply to their position(s) on relationships. So many complain and curse men who cheat in relationships, but they stay with these men or worse – end the relationship and then take him back.

 

I have so many friends who have left their cheating men and then gone back. After speaking with most of them I got to thinking about why this could be… here are some of those ideas.

 

Beyonce –  crazy in love? –One of the most common things women say when they’re asked why they’re still in their cheating relationship is, “But I love him.” She’s hurt deeply by his actions, but she can’t deny that her strong feelings for him are causing her to lose sight of her previous position on a cheating man. She’s dropped anchor and decided that this ship aint leaving the dock. Yep, “love” has made her lose her mind.

 

 

Doesn’t want to lose the “big investment”

Building a relationship with someone is more than cementing emotional bonds. Sometimes it includes finances and time spent together (time is money). If she has built a business with him, leaving the relationship could risk her venture. She would rather work on the current relationship than cut her losses (which could include the business)

 

 

He’s the breadwinner/provider

Besides all the emotional entaglements, not having money can cause a woman to stay in a cheating relationship. How is she going to leave and start a new life on her own if she has been depending on him for financial stability? This issue keeps women, both gold diggers and non- gold diggers alike, in the relationship — even if they’re not in love with him anymore.

 

History and kids

Women tend to be more sentimental than men. If the relationship has spanned a few good years then those shared experiences are powerful and difficult to let go. If her boyfriend is a large part of her past, she could be dragging her feet to leave because it means throwing away what has been built over the past few years.

Staying with a man for the child/ren makes sense to many women. As a mother, she has people other than herself to consider, and she might hesitate at the idea of breaking up the family by leaving her boyfriend or husband.

 

 

Possessive of him or possessed by him?

Although he has hurt her deeply, she just can’t imagine being without him. She cringes at the thought of another woman getting to have him. It might not make sense to most of you and certainly me though. She’s so used to saying that he belongs to her, that she’s not quite ready to turn him into recycled goods for other women to enjoy. Staying with him is her way of marking and keeping her territory.

 

Low self-esteem

Women who don’t love or value themselves catch the cheater’s eye. If a woman doesn’t care about her self-worth, she’ll be quick to brush away his indiscretions, make excuses for him, and she won’t feel that she is wonderful enough to do better than him.

 

He wont do it again

This is just straight up naive and might i say DUMB. Her boyfriend betrayed her, but she believes that he will change. Many women can’t reconcile the image of a man who was with her 24/7, showering her with love with the man who’s in another woman’s bed.  So they think it’s possible their boyfriends will change their cheating ways and revert to the “good old days”.

 

LeAnn Rimes – How do Live without you

She’s been with him for years, building and focusing on a life together. Thinking about letting all that can make almost any woman fearful. . She’s probably worried about what her life will be like without him in it. Facing that uncertainty is often too scary of a prospect. She’d rather stick with him because, as difficult as it might be, it’s a comfort zone.

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2 Responses to “Women and the cheating man”

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Interesting perspective. Re: marking her territory, I’d suggest just pissing him and done.

History and kids…guilty as r*$$


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